Tradition and Memories Matter.....

Today I start my blog off with your challenge.  I challenge you to take every day as a gift and nothing more.  I challenge you to find the importance of tradition.  I will admit that I have approached the holiday season with blah and sadness.  I have felt dread, fear, loneliness and anger.  I saw others being festive and cheerful and I wanted to shake them and sleep through the holidays.   For someone who usually finds so much joy in the every day and in the holiday season, the excitement and joy just did not exist.

Loss and grief can do something to someone that I never thought possible.  You can lose your spirit, your will to better your life and you can lose the joy of life. 

On Thanksgiving Day evening after we had our dinner at my sister's house, we came back to mom and dad's house and I said, "What are we doing?  Dad would want this house to be alive.  He would want traditions to continue and he would want family together."  Our decision to close the house up the month of December turned in to more of, we have to carry on his tradition and make him proud. 

PROUD. 

One of the most important words that I wanted my dad to be of me from the time I was a little girl. 

Not long after that Thanksgiving evening a friend sent me a special saying that I couldn't forget.  The saying said:

"Christmas is a time of joy

But now without you Dad,

Memories surround us

And it's easy to be sad.

But knowing you'll be watching,

With a Father's gentle pride,

We'll celebrate the happiness

Those memories provide.

Your love is here to guide us

In everything we do,

I give thanks at Christmastime

In memory of you."

With this message from a friend and with talking to my brother and sister on my dad’s birthday we decided to continue our Christmas Eve celebration at mom and dad's for our family.  This year we counted at least 65 attendees.  Along with 16 kids and Santa!  We continued to make memories to make my daddy proud of a tradition he re-kindled.

Was it hard?  YES.  Do I think his spirit was with us? YES.  Am I glad that we made new memories and started new traditions? YES.

Finding joy in moments had meaning for me this year.  The pain was unbearable at times, but I smiled through my tears and remembered "my Santa/my daddy." I treasure those memories. 

I challenge you to continue traditions, start new ones and treasure every memory.  We are given a gift of being children, parents, siblings and friends.  Only for a brief time is this our role.  The only thing that stays the same is that everything changes. 

The Wisdom of Wayne.....

One of my favorite authors and inspirational people who I look up to is Dr. Wayne Dyer. Dr. Dyer has been sharing inspirational message and positive thoughts for many years. He is deeply inspiring and brings power to the idea of “life is a gift” and we must “stay in the present.” Lately a life learning lesson for me is that living in the present is the only place where I can find my joy.

Some of Dr. Wayne Dyer’s quotes that I love are as follows:

• Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.
• When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
• If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
• Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.
• It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there's nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized.
• Begin to see yourself as a soul with a body rather than a body with a soul.
• It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either.
• Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life.
• Conflict cannot survive without your participation.
• Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world.
• Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others.
• Our intention creates our reality.
• Deficiency motivation doesn't work. It will lead to a life-long pursuit of try to fix me. Learn to appreciate what you have and where and who you are.
• Everything you are against weakens you. Everything you are for empowers you.

Dr. Dyer focuses a lot about being true to you, and not about judging others. Sometimes we look at people through our own lens and think that we are RIGHT because that is what we know, What if we take a step back and put ourselves in someone else’s shoes? What if we drop our judgment and try to understand others? What if we care enough to hear someone’s story?

I challenge you today to think about something or someone that you find yourself judging. Take time to think about life through this/their lenses of life. Take this to the next level and if it is someone find out their story. As Dr. Dyer quotes “Real magic comes from an absence of judging others." Let's work on making the world a better place!

Tune in to your gifts.....

What is your gift?  What are the things in your life that bring passion and joy?  I used to feel conflicted about this but as I continue to think about my own gift I know now exactly where I land.  My gift is the gift of "helps" or service.  This is part of my personal mission statement.  The mission of "making a difference," offering random acts of kindness to others, and being the hands and feet of Jesus. 

I find joy in helping others.  Just like the whole concept of my blog, "The Starfish."  We can't make everything better but we can do our part.  We can try.  We can do small things with great love.  We can start with one gesture, one person, one family, one community.  This is what can create change. 

Maybe your gift has nothing to do with service or helping others.  We are all unique and have unique gifts.  We need to embrace our differences and challenge ourselves to explore and discover what brings us joy. 

The difference between joy and happiness.....

Joy comes from the inner-self of a person, and is connecting with the source of life within you. It is caused by something really exceptional and satisfying. The source of joy is something or someone greatly appreciated or valued, and it is not only about oneself, but also about the contentment of those people whom you value the most.

 

Happiness is an emotion experienced when in a state of well-being. The state of well-being is emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.  Happiness is simply the state of being happy.

Today I challenge you to tune in to your gift and find your TRUE JOY. 

1.  What are the things that you are passionate about?  Take a sheet of paper and put on the top I am passionate about......................  and just write.  See what you come up with. 

2.  What are the things that bring you joy?

3.  What are you good at?

Most people have a primary "spiritual gift."  This gift helps you define your purpose.  Discovery is the key.  I encourage you to take the steps to discovery and live your gift to the fullest.  It is all about the journey of discovery.  So tune in and discover......

Joy is a choice.....

Today I have been thinking a lot about the sunrise and what it represents.  Over the past few months I have been waiting for “joy to come.”  Like the song says, “joy comes in the morning.”  However today as I sat and watched the sunrise at 7:27am I thought about it and decided that joy is a choice.  It is not something that we wait for but something we choose in that moment.

I admit that I haven’t seen much joy in my own world lately.  But why haven’t I?  It is simply because I am waiting for joy to come and not choosing joy in the moment.  I can honestly say this will not be easy to do, but what is the alternative to joy?  The alternative or opposite of joy is “sadness, sorrow, unhappiness or woe.”  I have to ask myself how that has been working out for me. 

Psalm 30:5 tells us that “weeping may endure for a night, but Joy Comes in the Morning.”  I challenge you today to find YOUR JOY. 

For me I have to start with moments.  I know that helping and educating others is my passion and my joy.   Here are some other things that bring me joy in the moment. 

1.   Hearing my children laugh
2.   Making a difference in the lives of others
3.   Random Acts of Kindness
4.   Educating others on issues of social injustice
5.   Seeing my mom smile
6.   My husband kissing me goodbye every morning
7.   Quotes of encouragement
8.   Centerpoint church
9    New adventures (big or small)
10.  Sunflowers and quarters

What are ten things that bring you joy?

What the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.   Let’s work together and find our joy.  Why wait?  It is a choice and we can make the choice to be happy.  As I can attest, the alternative doesn’t work out so well.

There is a season for everything.  Even when we have a storm, we can find joy in moments and dance in the rain!

 

Love you more.....

Love you more............... three very simple words that mean so much to me.  These are words that my daddy said to me daily.  I would always say "I love you daddy" and he would say "love you more."  Early on we would just do the "love you more wars" and we would go back and forth.  I love you more... no I love you more..... etc.  I would usually let him win the battle because sometimes he would say but I loved you first.  I would then say okay you win.

My dad's last words, "love you more..... mom" as my mother describe in the early hours of March 23rd 2013.  What wonderful last words to leave your loved ones.  One thing is for sure, I had no doubts how much my dad loved and sacrificed for me.  Another thing I know for sure, I know that man knew I loved him with all my heart.  I would have gone to the ends of the earth for him.  Every kiss, every story, every I love you and every I love you more told that story.

So today I remember that special bond and those three simple words.  I got a tattoo on my left shoulder and it simply says "love you more."  My dad always wrinkled his forehead when I mentioned a tattoo.  He got a few when he was in the military and he would say "it will be there forever, think long and hard about it." 

These words were the last words he spoke, the last words spoken at his funeral and the words on his tombstone where his body rests.  What I know for sure is that his spirit continues.....  I know that this tattoo is forever.  When he takes my hand at the time I join him, he will be proud of that tattoo and what it represents. 

Also on my journey today, I picked up a stone that said "AWARENESS."  I am certain that as we become more aware of the things around us we can find those special moments/signs in places we least expect. 

Places like sunflowers growing through cement, quarters in unexpected places, dreams that wake us, songs on the radio and when we look to God.  We see beautiful clouds, nature and signs of spirit everywhere.

A wall sign that I saw today said "The best way to have a piece of heaven in your home, is to have someone you love in heaven." 

My challenge for you today is to practice awareness.  You will be amazed at what you find when you seek it out.  I will keep a hold of my piece of heaven forever and always.  Those three simple words will carry me through. LOVE YOU MORE.  (I win this time).

I hope. I believe. I know.

 I read an article about the differences in hoping, believing and knowing and it has resonated with me.  Because I have been thinking about this I thought it was worthy of a blog and challenge to readers. 

Life as I knew it changed 120 days ago.  With that change also came doubt.  My faith was shaken and I lacked understanding.  As my last blog indicated I was angry.  What I did do is continue to “hope.”  Hope that I would survive the pain that I endured and continue to endure today.   People say that you never “get over” a loss, but you learn to live with it.  I never knew what that meant.  What I know is that time marches on and we have no choice but to move with it.  The saying you have to go through it to get through it makes more sense to me. 

With that being said, several weeks ago God was leading me to read “The Shack” again.  I read it several years ago and I couldn’t even remember major details of the book.  However every time I walked by my book shelf God would be that small voice and say “pick it up.”  I fought it.  I can’t think of one book that I picked up to read a second time.  I often don’t finish books the first time.   I would walk by the shelf and be led to look that direction.  “The Shack” continued to glare at me.  Finally, I walked over and picked it up.  I figured that there must be something in that book that I needed to see again. 

I started reading…… then on page 92 I began to see exactly what I needed to see.    God was speaking to me through that book like he was speaking to Mack (the main character).  Page 92 said “I want to heal the wound that has grown inside of you and between us.”  Then it continued to say “When all you can see is your pain, perhaps then you lose sight of me.”  WOW!

I was losing sight of God. 

After I read that I starting thinking about the idea of hoping, believing and knowing.  Faith is knowing what we do not see.  Knowing comes with time.  Knowing comes with having experiences with God.  Knowing is stronger than believing and so much more than hoping.  Knowing requires that we TRUST. 

My challenge for you today is to examine where you are on the idea of hoping, believing, and knowing when it comes to your faith.  Sometimes we don’t see the whole picture, sometimes we have to take that step before we see the stair case.  Sometimes we just have to “know” that it is okay to lack understand as to why things happen. 

“God doesn’t always stop the storm, but if he doesn’t he will always calm HIS child.”   

 

One word..... TRUST.....

I started out the new year with the idea of taking one word and reflecting on that word for the year.  The word that was given to me..... TRUST.   Here I am half way through the year and that one word has never been more important.  As I listened to our pastor at Centerpoint Church today talk about trust, I started thinking about my own situation.

Ninety-two days ago my life changed forever.  The memory of the day is etched in my memory.  Every vivid detail of finding out my daddy was no longer in this world.  Suddenly he was taken and I didn't know suffering until March 23rd, 2013.  I didn't know how much I would need to trust.... and how so very difficult it would be.

After today's message I realized that I am not trusting God in this situation.  In fact I am angry.  How can there be something beautiful come from such sadness?  How can I trust God, when he took my dad from me?  How can I trust that I will find joy again?  Truthfully, I am not trusting right now.

From the message the take away was that "trust is a must."  That is a hard pill to swallow when I am not trusting.  My one word..... trust.   I am struggling to breathe at times, how can I trust? 

I begin to reflect and think, did God give me the word trust for a reason?  He knew I would be doubting and having a hard time understanding.... and quite honestly start questioning faith.  I search biblical passages, books, and readings trying to understand, what I don't understand.  I question, cry out and when someone asks me how I am, the best I can say is "I am ok." 

I know that without God I wouldn't be where I am now.  I have seen my mother emotionally strong.  She continues to amaze me.....  After losing her husband of 47 years unexpectedly she continues to carry on. 

Trusting this happened for a reason is hard.  Right now I just shake my head and say "I don 't get it."  But for now, I will just carry on and pray that I can find TRUST and peace.

Give generously and be a blessing.....

Giving generously was the theme of last week’s church service at Centerpoint.  In this series Pastor Chris has been talking about how we need to “Be the Church.”  After last week’s service I decided this topic was worthy of a blog.

The message revolved around the idea that giving generously means that we give selflessly, sincere and sacrificial.  At the close of the service, because of the selfless giving of Centerpoint goers the week before, the church did a “tithe give back” on the $3000 excess received over the budgeted amount.   All the tithe back envelopes contained anything from a $10 bill to a $50 bill.   The purpose of the “tithe give back” was to go be a blessing to others.

What church passes the tithing buckets back out so that you can take money?  CENTERPOINT!  This church never ceases to amaze me!  This is a perfect example that everyone on the leadership team practices what they preach.  Their mission of being   uniquely different and passionately real is seen in their actions.

I received an envelope with $10 and Jeff did also.  We ordered a $20 pizza for lunch and gave a $10 tip.  Our other generous giving opportunity came a few days later as I was driving down Allen Ave.  I saw two young people walking and felt led to give them the other $10.  I pulled up beside of them and said “Hi, I am giving out money today and handed them the money.”  The look on their face was one of confusion and happiness. 

As I continue to ponder the idea of generous giving I think of the idea of spontaneous giving and showing random acts of kindness.  Do we do this enough?  My challenge for you today is to think about generous giving and what that means to you.  Maybe it is not financial giving but generous giving in other ways.   Mother Teresa once said, “We shall never know all the good a simple smile can do.”  So simply smiling at others is really an act of “giving.”  Smile more, give more and make the world a better place!

Memories Matter.....

Today, I thought a lot about memories and how important it is that we continue to “make memories” with those that we love.  Some of my favorite memories are those that did not revolve around a holiday or around a special event, but during times that I didn’t think about the idea of “making memories.” 

My cousin shared a picture today and it took me right back to my childhood.  A simple hickory nut floods my mind with so many memories.   We used to pick them at my aunt and uncle’s house.  We used to swing over the road on a tire swing (we couldn’t do this now).  We used to pick blackberries, walk in the woods and make mud pies.

Many times now as an adult I am more aware of the time I spend with those that are important to me.  Over the past few years I have developed some great friendships, and I have a family that is very important to me.  I purposefully try to assure that I continue to make memories so that I have those nuggets of time that I can recall many years from now.  It is often our story to tell.

I remember being a little girl and playing games with my parents.  My mom would play ghost in the graveyard with me and my sister.  She would lie on the floor and we would walk around her saying “ghost in the graveyard.”  My mom would suddenly jump up and run after us!  Most of the time making memories in my household as a child didn’t require money.  We had lots of fun and laughter without it.  Another fond memory was my dad’s “fudge making.”  Yes, still to this day my dad could be sitting in the living room and he would just raise his hand.  This meant “who wants fudge!?”  My dad’s recipe was always the best (I still can’t make it like he does).    It is the process of spending time together sharing laughter, memories and fun.

I try to make fun and laughter part of my family now.  However sometimes I get caught up in the daily “need to do’s.”  Often times we play cards, have ice cream parties (we just had one of those on Friday night), and play many board games.  I also tell stories to my children about my memories as a child.  This is something that my parents have also shared with me, their stories.

There is so much value in spending time together with those people that you care about.  My challenge to you today is to put down the dust rags, let the laundry sit and start making memories with those that you love.  Tell your friend or child a story, play a board game, take a walk in the park, or as I did today window shop with your sister. You won’t regret it!    

Fairness in a "real" way.....

The definition of justice is the “fairness or reasonableness, especially in the way people are treated or decisions are made.” 

This time next week, I will be in day two of the Justice Conference in Philly.  The Centerpoint Outreach coordinator and I will be attending this amazing event.   For someone whose life work, talent and passion revolve around this idea, I am very excited about this opportunity.  I am going to absorb every message and gain as much knowledge as I can to bring back to my church family and community. 

Fairness means different things to different people.  We begin our young lives with a famous saying “that’s not fair!”  However do we ever think about what that actually means?  Many times that saying contributes to selfishness.  For example, if I don’t get my way with this situation, IT’S NOT FAIR. 

I have learned over the years that we take things for granted (I am learning this even more as I go through the Lent journey).  Some things really aren’t fair.  When something doesn’t go our way, when a child doesn’t get what he/she wants we overuse the word fair.  Really what is not fair in our world is when others go without clean drinking water, when children die of hunger, when people are discriminated against etc…… when we think of “fair” in this way it means something all-together different from our selfish meaning of fair.

When I attend the Justice Conference, I hope to leave completely exhausted and full of ideas to reach others who are not treated “fair.”  Fair in a “real” sense and not a selfish one.

We have a responsibility to help others who cannot help themselves.  We can make daily decisions that impact people’s lives.  One phone call, one personalized note, one hug.  These are things that can bring hope.

 Donating one year of clean water, sponsoring a child to go to school, feeding hungry children and/or volunteering  your time in local outreach efforts.  This my friends can change the world and provide fairness and justice to our world.  My challenge for you is to think about the things that you can do to bring true fairness to others.  How can you make a difference?  I challenge you to try!

 

 

Will your response be a bitter one or a better one?

Charles Swindoll stated that, “life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to what happens to us.” When I thought about this and meditated on this idea, I felt that it would be worthy of a blog post.  Things happen in our lives that are not always favorable.  We end up in situations that we didn’t think we would be in; then we have a choice to make.  Do we respond out of bitterness or do we respond and be better?

For someone who tries to keep a positive attitude a lot of the time, over the last 18 months I have had a difficult time in a situation in which my reaction was a bitter one.  This situation was very hurtful and it felt like a true loss in my life.  My knowledge was used and I was given responsibility that was going to lead in to bigger and better things.  Then decisions and favors were granted behind closed door conversations, resulting in a kick in the gut and tears in my eyes.  To a situation that I was so loyal, I was blindsided and betrayed. 

Fast forward to now and I can say that I have learned a lot and have gained a lot of insight.  I now have decided to be better instead of bitter and my response is just that.  I have also re-evaluated what is important in my life.  I have found a way to have balance and I believe that through tough times we find our strength and perseverance (even when it takes 18 months).

Think about that 90% and think about your response to others.  Zig Ziglar said that “some people find fault like there is a reward for it.”  Do you look for fault in life and in the 10%?  Is your responses kind?   Can you choose kindness over being right?  My challenge for you today is to think about the above questions and choose being kind over being right, be less interested in finding fault and think about how you can respond in kindness.  Instead of pointing out faults (bitter) look for the better.  In the end the freedom that our kind responses bring are always worth it.  Life is a journey and sometimes it takes us a while to learn these lessons.

 

Peace and Tolerance......

Today as I have enjoyed a day off work in memory of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  I am reminded of my own personal thoughts about peace and kindness in the world in which we live.  One of Dr. King’s famous quotes is:  “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

 Many times we spend more of our time fighting over opposing views than we do loving each other and practicing tolerance.  We need to embrace our similarities instead of fighting over our differences.  We need to have passion and celebrate what we are for instead of condemning others for what they believe.

How do we teach peace?  We teach peace by living our life with tolerance and understanding.  What would our world look like with less hate and more love?  I want to make love my life’s mission, would you join me?  My personalized license plate says “LUVWINS.”  I want to live in a world of love and peace where love wins!  We can make a difference with one gesture at a time. 

The truth is, we judge what we don’t understand.  My challenge to you today is to talk less and listen more, seek first to understand and then to be understood and show passion for your beliefs without extending hateful words to others.  In everything you do find a way to show tolerance and peace.

“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends” Martin Luther King Jr.

The time is NOW.....

I often find myself putting off to tomorrow what I need to do today.  Today I make the commitment to start anew every day.  No more waiting until the beginning of the month, the beginning of a new year or when the time is most convenient for me.  The time to make change and start anew starts NOW.  Every day is a gift and we must treasure these moments without regret and without waiting for when the timing is better.  The time is now....

With that being said…. I want to share with you my thoughts on my last three day.  My last three days on the military diet.  This diet for me was more of a jump start in to better decisions and more accountability.  In three days I lost 8lbs.  I wanted to know how I would feel after this diet and if I would feel hungry.  Surprisingly the diet was successful. I told myself that I could do anything for three days.  The diet consists of a lot of protein and lots of fruits and vegetables.  I had lots of energy on day one and two.  Day three was a little more challenging (I had to eat a whole can of tuna and I couldn’t add mayo)!  The good news is I got to eat vanilla ice cream each night for dinner. 

Some things I learned in three days…

·         Eating healthier is a must.  The saying “we need to eat to live not live to eat” was the perfect mantra for these three days.  Healthier food gives us more energy.

·         Appreciation of the small things.  With this three day diet I looked forward to the ice cream at dinner.  Any other time I would have never looked forward to a half a couple of vanilla ice cream. 

·         Portion control.  Everything was measured these three days.  I didn’t realize how much a “cup” of something was.  I would guess before and would likely think that I had a cup of “potatoes” but it really was probably at least double that.

With this “jump start” and with lots of prayer, I plan to change my diet.  With that I mean I will be more conscience of portions, enjoy treats less often (you don’t enjoy them unless they are a special treat) and challenge myself to have “military diet” days.

 With this blog as I continue to offer up a challenge to readers, my challenge to you is to realize the time is NOW.  The time is now to eat healthier, go back to school, follow your dreams, make a difference in the lives of others, and enjoy life to the fullest!  Today is a gift that is why we call it the 

present :)