Lessons Learned in 2014.....

As we were driving home from Chicago I starting thinking about 2015 and also what I have learned from 2014.  I was listening to the song “If today was your last day” by Nickelback and I started thinking about regrets, hopes, progress and success in 2014.  Success is defined differently in my eyes right now.  I am starting the new year with a new job opportunity.  That being said, I am making that change because I want to be true to myself.  I want to work for an organization that I believe in and I want to be able to make a difference in the lives of others.

With this blog post I want to share some of the things that I have learned in 2014.  Sometimes we grow through struggle.  The growth is so important however the struggle is less than desirable.  I am a work in progress as I go  through life dealing with disappointment, unfairness and grief.  In the end, I am STRONGER for it.

After 16 years working for an organization that I helped build up, I am saying goodbye.  The mission has changed.  The direction is not the way I believe we should be going and the goals are different. With that and other things in 2014 comes life lessons and many things learned.  

Some things I have learned in 2014.

1. New opportunities create new excitement and a renewed spirit.
2. Kindness is not something we should randomly do, it needs to be a lifestyle.
3. Our health is not promised regardless of how we take care of ourselves.  
4. Perception is just that and there is more than one side to a story.  Be willing to listen to it.
5. Know who your “people” are.  Be willing to agree to disagree.
6. Judge not.
7. Grief is a process.  Each day can be better than the day before if we allow it.
8. There is freedom in being transparent.
9. Less is more.
10. Your parent can be one of your best friends.
11. Making memories is all that we have.  Make memories daily.  
12. Enjoy the simple things.  A sunrise, a cloud, a sleeping child, the warmth of your spouse at your side.
13. Smile at strangers and make eye contact with those who are broken (that means everyone).
14. When one person says you are average and 50 think you are great, don’t focus on that one person or obsess over why they would think you were “just” average.
15. Be better instead of bitter.  Holding on to hurt only hurts yourself.  Let it go.
16. We can’t worry about what we can’t control.
17. We can’t control the actions of our adult children but must love them unconditionally.

  17.  Live in the moment.  That is all we have.

  18.  Political agendas and favoritism is always going to overrule hard work and dedication.

I could go on but these are the ones that jumped to my conscience.  So for this blog, I challenge you to think about some things that you have learned in 2014.  Go ahead and get started.  Life is a journey and there is joy in that journey even through our tears.  Here is to new beginnings and new opportunities!  I am going to embrace them how about you?

If today was your last day lyrics

My best friend gave me the best advice

He said each day's a gift and not a given right

Leave no stone un-turned, leave your fears behind

And try to take the path less traveled by

That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last

Leave old pictures in the past?

Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?

What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life

What's worth the price is always worth the fight

Every second counts 'cause there's no second try

So live like you're never living twice

Don't take the free ride in your own life

What if, what if, if today was your last day and tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?

Leave old pictures in the past?

Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?

Reminisce old memories?

Would you forgive your enemies?

And would you find that one you're dreaming of?

Swear up and down to God above

That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

If today was your last day

Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?

You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars

Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes

'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life

Let nothing stand in your way

'Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?

Leave old pictures in the past?

Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?

Reminisce old memories?

Would you forgive your enemies?

And would you find that one you're dreaming of

Swear up and down to God above

That you'd finally fall in love

If today was your last day?

Suspend Judgement.....

As a wise person told me, there are three sides to every story "yours, mine and the truth."  When we see only one side of the story we only see our perception of the truth.  One thing I often teach, is that we need to be willing to suspend our judgement to listen to the other side of the story.

We base "our truth" on the experiences that we have or by the information that we hear from the other side of the story.

Recently there has been controversy over the Furgeson case.  Everyone has an opinion about this and most likely our opinion is based on what our experiences are.  If you relate more to the young man that was shot, that is based on your experiences.  If you relate more with the cop, that is based on your experiences as well.

This blog is about suspending judgement until we get both sides of the story.  My challenge to you is that before jumping to conclusions about a situation, consider what we just may not know.

A quote that I once heard is that "we don't know what we don't know."  The question is are we willing to find out?  Can we listen without taking things personally?  Can we listen without letting our views and experiences cloud our ability to suspend judgement.

We all have reasons as to why we do what we do, even if others do not understand why.  We may be willing to share, but is the other person willing to listen?

We live in a world with differences of opinions, differences in thought and differences in expectations.  That is what makes us beautiful.  Our differences make us beautiful.  However these differences can divide us.

We have a tendency to take things personally (we are human).  What if we lived in a world where we could truly "agree to disagree?"  Many times we say that we can agree to disagree, however do we truly believe it?  Our strong personal feelings and expectations of others can create a clouded view.  Our glasses can be so fogged up with our own perceptions that we are unwilling to even consider anything else.

When we can suspend judgement and listen to the other side of the story, that is where we can find peace and where we can love each other as we were called to do.

This is not to say that we abandon our beliefs or experiences.  No matter what we will have those beliefs and experiences.  I have a dear friend that shares different views on a few different topics.  I respect her thoughts and opinions.  We don't get emotionally charged about our differences.  Instead we focus on what we have in common.  What we have in common is so much more important than what we differ on.

Focus on your likeness with others instead of your differences.  I am challenging you to think about this during the week.  

Finding our Passion for People.....

As I sit and think about life on the shore of Virginia Beach, I am reminded of God's miracles.  One miracle I think we often forget about is the miracle of people.  It is amazing to experience differences in human beings.  We have a responsibility to love and embrace others. We were all created in the image of God and He made us different.  That is something we need to celebrate instead of condemn.

This week I have noticed things that sadden me about how we treat each other.  Regardless of religion, sexual orientation, gender, background, culture, political affiliation, economic status or any other "difference" we have a responsibility to LOVE others. 

We are all created equal and created in the image of God.  So why do we find ourselves judging others?  We judge what we don't understand.  Instead of judging, let's think about understanding (I like it, a quote by me)!

Wise words from a book that helped inspire this post states "Different people remember things differently, and no two people will remember it the same, whether they were there or not."  This quote is from a book called Ocean at the End of the Lane.  (Thanks Betsy for the inspiration).  Our perception of the reality and our life experiences are what we know to be true.

Why do we fail to find passion for people?  We are called to love.  Why do we often love with conditions?  I will love you unless you are (fill in the blank here).  We want to "fix" or "right" people.  "Righting" someone means that we think people need fixed when they are not like we are.  That my friends is not our job.  We throw stones while we live in a glass house ourselves.  We criticize people for not being like we are.  Our YOUniqueness is what makes us beautiful.

It doesn't have to be "you are wrong and I am right."  Let's make it, "help me understand your view while I continue to love you without judging."

We have all had different life experiences and those experience shape us in the person that we are and become.  A different journey leads to a different life.  It may not be your life, but it is a worthy life and a life worth understanding (another cool quote by me)!

While meditating on the beach this week I heard God speak to me and say "don't pass them by."  I knew exactly what that meant.  The day before my morning meditation I saw two homeless men on the boardwalk.  I was with my family walking to dinner and I walked on by.  The next day while walking I saw one of the men.  I told my husband, "I can't just walk by, I will explain later."  He continued to walk up the board walk to the park with our son as I sat down beside who I know now as Peter.  Peter and I talked about the beach, family, vacations and life as a homeless man in Virginia Beach.  Peter has been at the beach for a month but has been homeless for 2 1/2 years.  He used to have money and a family.  He sat on the park bench with me and we shared commonalities.  We talked about the weather, resources for people who need food, other homeless individuals.  Peter was smart and he was a thinker.  He asked me questions about life, where I was from (he lived in Columbus for awhile) and I asked him questions also.  After about 30 minutes I told him I was very glad to have met him and I hoped he had a good day.  I handed him some money and he immediately said "you don't have to do that, but God Bless You."  Later that afternoon, Jeff, Lucas and I were walking back from dinner and Peter was laying down on the bench with his radio on and his hat tucked over his head.  His beard and hair hid most of his face and I thought he was sleeping.  When he saw me he lifted his hand to wave and he smiled. 

We need connections with people.  Talking to Peter was good for him but it was good for me. I learned his story and he learned mine.  As I sat for that 30 minutes people walked by and never even looked in his direction.  His little sign that said "need help, God Bless You" wasn't even met with an eye.  

What are we afraid of?  Why won't we connect with others and listen to their story?  My challenge for you today is to find a stranger to talk to.  Make casual conversation and smile.  It doesn't take much.  It takes just a little effort to find passion for people.  Compassion and passion are action.  Ask yourself, does your acts of compassion align yourself to the example of God's love?  Go ahead and do it.  Sure it can be messy, difficult and inconvenient but in the end we are called to LOVE without conditions.

Don't Wait.....

There is a popular song from Tim McGraw "Live like you were dying." When this song came out a few years back I liked the beat but I didn't listen much to the lyrics. Now this song has led me to a blog topic.

We take so many things for granted.  One thing that we should never take for granted is the people in our lives that mean so much, and the pleasures of life that we have grown so used to expecting.  I read an article that really opened my eyes to this.  It opened my eyes to the idea that less is more.   Spending time with those we love and doing the things we love should not be put on hold until the perfect time.  Because the reality is there is never a perfect time.  The time is now.   We don't need to wait for the perfect circumstance, the perfect opportunity or the perfect time.  DON'T WAIT. 

After reading the article and spending the day at a family reunion, this blog topic become something I needed to get on paper.  Don't wait to tell a person you love them.   Don't wait to share how much they mean to you.  Don't wait to travel.  If you wait until you retire, you may not feel like traveling or you may not be here at all.  Don't wait to start a project you have been wanting to work on.  Don't wait to make life changes that are risky.  Don't wait to play with your children after all the chores are done (because they are never done).  Don't wait to leave a job when you dread going everyday.  Don't wait to make things right with your family and God. 

I knew without a doubt before my dad left this earthly world that he knew how much I loved him.  I have no regrets about my relationship with him.  That is one thing that brings me peace.  When someone passes suddenly we don't get to make amends.  "DON'T WAIT."  Make amends and enjoy life now.

My challenge for you is to think about the song and the lyrics below "Live like you were dying." Do you have something that you need to say to someone?  Do you have a passion for something and you are waiting for the "right" time to do it?  Once you start looking at the most important things in your life, you realize it is not things.  We don't want to look back and wish we would have said something or done something different.  Take the risk and don't wait. 

I was in my early forties

With a lot of life before me

When a moment came that stopped me on a dime

I spent most of the next days, looking at the x-rays

Talking bout the options and talking bout sweet time

I asked him when it sank in

That this might really be the real end

How's it hit 'cha when you get that kind of news?

Man, what'd ya do?

And he said

I went skydiving

I went rocky mountain climbing

I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu

And I loved deeper

And I spoke sweeter

And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'

And he said, Someday I hope you get the chance

To live like you were dyin'

He said, I was finally the husband

That most the time I wasn't

And I became a friend, a friend would like to have

And all of a sudden goin' fishin'

Wasn't such an imposition

And I went three times that year I lost my dad

Well I, I finally read the good book

And I took a good long hard look

At what I'd do if I could do it all again

And then

I went skydiving

I went rocky mountain climbing

I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu

And I loved deeper

And I spoke sweeter

And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'

And he said, Someday I hope you get the chance

To live like you were dyin'

Like tomorrow was a gift

And ya got eternity to think about what to do with it

What did you do with it?

What did I do with it?

What would I do with it?

Skydiving

I went rocky mountain climbing

I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu

And I loved deeper

And I spoke sweeter

And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'

And he said, Someday I hope you get the chance

To live like you were dyin'

 

Simplify.....

As I sit here in Mammoth Cave, KY I am reminded how important simplicity is.  As I look around at 6:05 am I am reminded how often we don’t take the time to look and listen to life around us.  My goal is to simplify my life and to evaluate what is most important.  On this quiet morning at the campground I can see birds playing and chirping, a light breeze blowing, the sun peeking over the tops of the trees and the stillness of those around me. 

The cabin that we are staying in is an efficiency.  It is one room that includes a bunk bed, a couch, a kitchenette and a small bathroom.  Also included is a cute little deck with wooden chairs that I now sit on.  (A squirrel just went by me looking for food).   

How often do we take time out of our busy lives to think about the importance of simplifying?  Many things that we have as possessions just take up space.  We buy them out of immediate gratification and later they become just something else to deal with in our environment.  For me, I want to work on simplifying my life and listening and watching life around me.  We need to have a conscience awareness of nature and simplicity in life.  For me, that is where I can most reconnect with God.  This simplicity along with present moment living can be the breath of fresh air that we need in a time where life seems so busy, corrupt and overwhelming.  Life is a gift and we need to treat it as such.  It reminds me of a reading. When someone is on their death bed, they don’t talk about all their accomplishments, the things they obtained or the fame they received.  They want to love and to be loved.  My dad used to say “we can’t take it with us when we leave this world.”  As I get older I reflect on this more and more.  We come into this world with nothing and we leave with nothing material. Why does material possessions take up so much of our time between the dash (date of life and date of death)?

I have been talking to my husband about the idea of traveling for a year.  Looking at God’s creation and enjoying it through travel.  His answer, “we have to sell our houses, eliminate debt and make it a plan.  How liberating that would be.  I am glad he is on board with the idea!

The cabin we are staying in was likely built for less than $6000.00.  Why do we need a $100,000.00 house or more?  Why do we think we need to “keep up” with others?  Why can’t we be confident in ourselves, our choices and just love? 

The ocean, the mountains, the desert are all gifts.  We spend so much time chasing the next promotion or the next dollar that we forget to simply live and focus on what is important. LOVE.

I challenge you to evaluate your life and think of things that you could simplify.  This will allow you more time with God, more time with your family and more time focusing on the idea that yes, less can be more.

I saw a quote that said “we should live simply so others can simply live.”  Another challenge,  reflect on this quote and what it means to you.

The sun is up and people are starting to wake up around me.  I will now head to the cave to see more of God’s beauty and begin thinking and planning a simple life.

 

 

Focus on your Purpose not your Problems.....

I saw this as part of a daily plan on you version called the "Happiness Habit." It seems we have the tendency to focus on all the things going wrong in our lives instead of what is going well. In this we focus on our problems over our purpose. How can we move to a purpose driven focus and increase our mindfulness and be positive?

It is easy to focus on the half empty glass. We think about all that is going wrong in our life instead of all the things that we are so blessed with.

In the book "One" (I would recommend everyone read it. Thanks Logan for getting it for me!) it states "You are royalty.....

• If you have food in your refirgerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep..... you are richer than 75% of the world's population.
• If you have a little money in the bank and spare change in a dish somewhere.....you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
• If you can drink from your kitchen faucet whenever you want.....you are more fortunate by far than 1.5 billion people who have no access to clean water at all.
• If you can attend a church or political rally without fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death.....you have the kind of freedom denied to more than three billion people in the world.
• If you can read this message, you are more blessed than two billion people who cannot read.
• If your every day problems are weighing you down, there are millions of people on Earth who would gladly trade places with you right now-problems and all-and feel they have been royally blessed.

Remember: "From those to whom much is given, much is expected."

Even with this knowledge we still focus on the unpleasant things in our life. I find myself falling into this trap. It is so very important for me to be mindful and focus on the positive things in my life. My intentions are always good and then I start drifting back to the sadness, the wrong, the stress and the overwhelming feelings that feast on the negativity.

I have so many things that I am so very thankful for. I have a husband that I adore and that adores me. He is everything that other women would dream of in a husband. I have two healthy children who are a joy. I have a daughter that has her four years of college paid for. I have a sister who can end my sentences and give me the support and love I need during difficult times. I have a mother that I enjoy spending time with. She is so brave and strong. She is a light that shines when I see darkness. I can go on vacation and pay my bills. I have a flexible job that allows me to live out my purpose by helping others. I live close to my place of employment which allows me more time with my family.

When I assess all these things I realize just how blessed I am and how being mindful of the positive and living out my purpose is essential for my happiness.

So with all of the above blessings, why do I go to the problems? I miss my dad and want to hear his voice and advice almost more than I want to breathe. I need to lose weight in order to be a better steward of this temple of God. I worry so much and often focus so much on the worst case scenario that I can't see past it. I can't make everything okay for those who need help. I want peace in a war filled world.

So how do we get to a positive perspective and have a mindful focus?

1. Every day wake up with a grateful heart. Write down five things everyday that you are thankful for.

2. Start each day with a deep breath and a fresh perspective.

3. Do something everyday to move yourself closer to your dreams and your purpose.

4. Practice random acts of kindness.

5. Take time each day to do something you love.

6. Appreciate the simple things.

7. Enjoy nature.

If I were to ask you what your purpose is, would you know? My challenge for you today is to think about your purpose and think about how you can look at your glass as half full.

I challenge you to be mindful of your thoughts. When you start jumping to all your problems, start focusing on your purpose. Develop a strategy. Develop a plan. Follow through and stay positive. Focus on your purpose not your problems.

Striving to find the light.....

I have been thinking about this topic for a while and Father’s Day seems to be a fitting time to share.  Sunflowers are one of my dad’s signs to me letting me know he is still with me.  The sunflower is hardy.  Last year at my mom and dad’s house I saw a sunflower find its way through a crack in the cement.

 I really took to the idea of the sunflower struggling to find the light which is a good analogy for myself as well during the last 15 months.  The sunflower as witnessed by myself, found a crack in the cement.  The sun came through the darkness into the small hole and the sunflower with its vibrant colors found a way to the light.

Each day I am working to find the light.  Finding the light is like making a choice to find those moments that bless us and memories to keep us going.

My dad always wanted me to visit Las Vegas.  He would say he wanted to take me to experience the city larger than life.  This past week Jeff and I ventured to Vegas.  While in the Balagio Conservatory there were so many flowers.  Sunflowers dominated the conservatory with their bright, bold and large colors.  It was a way for my dad to say “I am here with you.”  Physical death cannot separate love.  Love continues to grow.  Love continues to strive to find the light.  Against the odds love continues to win.  As the analogy with the sunflower peeking through the cement, love shines through to find the light.

As we made our way out of the Balagio conservatory I was standing behind another person and she had a bright colored sunflower shirt on (I mean who really wears that?).  This for me was confirmation that dad stood along beside me that day in the conservatory.  I pulled a quarter (another dad sign) out of my purse and threw it in the wishing well.  This confirmed that I knew he was with me.

Love wins.

My challenge for you today is to strive to find the light.  Even in our darkest moments, there is always light.  Search for it, find it, embrace it and let your love shine.  There is beauty in the struggle.  Just like that sunflower in the cement, it had to struggle through the crack to find and embrace the light.

What are some things in your life where you only see darkness?  Where can you look to find even the smallest of light?  Even though during the darkness you see no light, press on.   The cloud can cover the light in the sky, however that light never ceases to exist.  Light is always there.  It may be covered at the time and seldom seen. Just like the sunflower the light will find a hole in the cloud and radiate light down to you.  Just work on it and strive to find the light.  You may be a work in progress like me.  Some days I see that light, other days not so much.  When I don’t see the light I have to work harder to find it.