Focus on your Purpose not your Problems.....

I saw this as part of a daily plan on you version called the "Happiness Habit." It seems we have the tendency to focus on all the things going wrong in our lives instead of what is going well. In this we focus on our problems over our purpose. How can we move to a purpose driven focus and increase our mindfulness and be positive?

It is easy to focus on the half empty glass. We think about all that is going wrong in our life instead of all the things that we are so blessed with.

In the book "One" (I would recommend everyone read it. Thanks Logan for getting it for me!) it states "You are royalty.....

• If you have food in your refirgerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep..... you are richer than 75% of the world's population.
• If you have a little money in the bank and spare change in a dish somewhere.....you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
• If you can drink from your kitchen faucet whenever you want.....you are more fortunate by far than 1.5 billion people who have no access to clean water at all.
• If you can attend a church or political rally without fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death.....you have the kind of freedom denied to more than three billion people in the world.
• If you can read this message, you are more blessed than two billion people who cannot read.
• If your every day problems are weighing you down, there are millions of people on Earth who would gladly trade places with you right now-problems and all-and feel they have been royally blessed.

Remember: "From those to whom much is given, much is expected."

Even with this knowledge we still focus on the unpleasant things in our life. I find myself falling into this trap. It is so very important for me to be mindful and focus on the positive things in my life. My intentions are always good and then I start drifting back to the sadness, the wrong, the stress and the overwhelming feelings that feast on the negativity.

I have so many things that I am so very thankful for. I have a husband that I adore and that adores me. He is everything that other women would dream of in a husband. I have two healthy children who are a joy. I have a daughter that has her four years of college paid for. I have a sister who can end my sentences and give me the support and love I need during difficult times. I have a mother that I enjoy spending time with. She is so brave and strong. She is a light that shines when I see darkness. I can go on vacation and pay my bills. I have a flexible job that allows me to live out my purpose by helping others. I live close to my place of employment which allows me more time with my family.

When I assess all these things I realize just how blessed I am and how being mindful of the positive and living out my purpose is essential for my happiness.

So with all of the above blessings, why do I go to the problems? I miss my dad and want to hear his voice and advice almost more than I want to breathe. I need to lose weight in order to be a better steward of this temple of God. I worry so much and often focus so much on the worst case scenario that I can't see past it. I can't make everything okay for those who need help. I want peace in a war filled world.

So how do we get to a positive perspective and have a mindful focus?

1. Every day wake up with a grateful heart. Write down five things everyday that you are thankful for.

2. Start each day with a deep breath and a fresh perspective.

3. Do something everyday to move yourself closer to your dreams and your purpose.

4. Practice random acts of kindness.

5. Take time each day to do something you love.

6. Appreciate the simple things.

7. Enjoy nature.

If I were to ask you what your purpose is, would you know? My challenge for you today is to think about your purpose and think about how you can look at your glass as half full.

I challenge you to be mindful of your thoughts. When you start jumping to all your problems, start focusing on your purpose. Develop a strategy. Develop a plan. Follow through and stay positive. Focus on your purpose not your problems.

Striving to find the light.....

I have been thinking about this topic for a while and Father’s Day seems to be a fitting time to share.  Sunflowers are one of my dad’s signs to me letting me know he is still with me.  The sunflower is hardy.  Last year at my mom and dad’s house I saw a sunflower find its way through a crack in the cement.

 I really took to the idea of the sunflower struggling to find the light which is a good analogy for myself as well during the last 15 months.  The sunflower as witnessed by myself, found a crack in the cement.  The sun came through the darkness into the small hole and the sunflower with its vibrant colors found a way to the light.

Each day I am working to find the light.  Finding the light is like making a choice to find those moments that bless us and memories to keep us going.

My dad always wanted me to visit Las Vegas.  He would say he wanted to take me to experience the city larger than life.  This past week Jeff and I ventured to Vegas.  While in the Balagio Conservatory there were so many flowers.  Sunflowers dominated the conservatory with their bright, bold and large colors.  It was a way for my dad to say “I am here with you.”  Physical death cannot separate love.  Love continues to grow.  Love continues to strive to find the light.  Against the odds love continues to win.  As the analogy with the sunflower peeking through the cement, love shines through to find the light.

As we made our way out of the Balagio conservatory I was standing behind another person and she had a bright colored sunflower shirt on (I mean who really wears that?).  This for me was confirmation that dad stood along beside me that day in the conservatory.  I pulled a quarter (another dad sign) out of my purse and threw it in the wishing well.  This confirmed that I knew he was with me.

Love wins.

My challenge for you today is to strive to find the light.  Even in our darkest moments, there is always light.  Search for it, find it, embrace it and let your love shine.  There is beauty in the struggle.  Just like that sunflower in the cement, it had to struggle through the crack to find and embrace the light.

What are some things in your life where you only see darkness?  Where can you look to find even the smallest of light?  Even though during the darkness you see no light, press on.   The cloud can cover the light in the sky, however that light never ceases to exist.  Light is always there.  It may be covered at the time and seldom seen. Just like the sunflower the light will find a hole in the cloud and radiate light down to you.  Just work on it and strive to find the light.  You may be a work in progress like me.  Some days I see that light, other days not so much.  When I don’t see the light I have to work harder to find it. 

 

 

 

Be inspired.....

When we look at the word inspired we can also think of the word as IN-SPIRIT.  As I sit here today I wonder what inspires you.  My inspiration comes from many places.  Quotes, music, movies, people in my life and finding the beauty in simplifying.  Many times we get so busy with our commitments and our life that we forget how important the simple things are.  Watching a budding tree come alive, seeing new signs of Spring everyday are simply gifts. We need to accept these everyday moments as gifts in our life. 

My challenge for you today is to think about what inspires you.  Go out and make your life happen and see the beauty in the simple.  We have a choice to make.  As my dad always said, "you can sit around and grow old with a blanket on your lap or you can live your life."  Living doesn't have to always be the big things. In can be the little things.  Yesterday while sitting on the balcony of "granny's hotel" I watch a squirrel try to get in to the bird feeder.  Watching him climb up the pole and jumping over to the feeder made me laugh.  I also saw cardinals and blue birds, white oak trees coming alive and felt the sun and wind on my face.  This is inspiring. 

Writing blogs, reading, simply "being" can be inspiring. 

Over the last year my mom has been a huge source of inspiration for me.  God has given her a gift of being a caregiver.  She provides a source of strength and looks to God for answers.  She says we need to wake up and say "this is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it."  Some days for me that isn't always so easy to do.  Then I think, if she can do it, I can do it!

The little things.... DO make a difference.....

This week is RAK week.  What does that mean?  It is Random Acts of Kindness week.  My challenge to you today is to practice random acts of kindness everyday, not just one week or one day of the year.

I started this blog based on the idea of making a difference in the lives of others.  I shared "The Starfish" theory which is my life motto.  So this week I felt compelled to post about this again as a reminder that "the little things..... DO make a difference." 

Earlier this year I became a Ractivist (aka: a random act of kindness activist).  Being a Ractivist is eye opening and a blessing.  It is all about paying attention and being present in the moment.  It is seeing life through a different perspective.  When we think about making a difference on an ongoing basis it doesn't take long to make it part of our life mission statement and becomes minimal effort.   Even a simple smile or a hello is a random act of kindness.   Are you paying attention and making a difference?  We never know who needed that smile.  It takes doing the little things.  Those little things add up to the big things.  "A journey is started with one single step."  Every step forward in making a difference is a step in the right direction.

Think about a random act of kindness that has meant something to you.  Was it words of encouragement during a time of need, was it someone baking you a cake or was  it someone providing a helping hand in your time of need?  Often times the little things that we do for others are the BIG things for them.  

Bob Kerrey once said "Unexpected kindness is the most powerful, least costly, and most underrated agent of human change."  What a powerful statement!

Here are some ideas to get you started.  More ideas and information can be found on the random acts of kindness website.

1.  Go ahead and donate the dollar.  When we see a campaign for heart disease, cancer awareness etc. Donating one dollar can make a difference when many people donate.

2.  Give someone a positive comment on a blog or social media site.  If you think someone looks nice in their photo, tell them.

3.  Thank you notes matter.  A hand written thank you note has a BIG impact.  Take five minutes right now and write someone a note.

4.  Donate the gift of your time.  Many times if we would commit to one hour a month we can effect change and make a difference.  I was volunteering for our local Hope Clinic (free medical clinic) and during an orientation they were dividing the volunteers up in to areas where they thought their talent could be utilized.  One lady said "I am good at hugging people."  Now that is a gift.  "No act is too small."  

5.  Pay for a stranger’s cup of coffee.  Not only will it make a difference in their day, it will make a difference in yours.

6.  Place sticky notes with positive affirmations on grocery store shelves, public mirrors or on car windows.  

7.  Eat a healthy snack.  This can make a difference for you.  

8.  Surprise someone and make dinner for them.  I know this can be a big help to someone who is recovering from an illness or after the loss of a loved one.

9.  Leave a coupon behind at the store.  If you see an item that you do not want to buy, leave the coupon and let someone else use it.

10.  Clear an elderly neighbors sidewalk, rake their leaves or mow their lawn.  Sometimes we take for granted what doesn't take much effort for us.  To that elderly neighbor it could make a huge impact in their life.

One of my favorite quotes is "No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care."  Take time to care today.  Listen to someone and I am sure you will learn along the way.

I encourage you to make a difference no matter how small.   One of my favorite songs is "Care" by Kid Rock. If you have never heard it, listen to it.  Make a point to listen to someone's story but most importantly.....CARE.

My "P" words.....

When 2013 came to a close, I was preparing myself for a new year.  I was ready for 2013 to go.  It was the hardest year of my life and I needed a fresh perspective on life's purpose and present moment living. 

What I learned in 2013 was that we are not promised life.  It is only a gift and we need to remember to live in the present moment.  My sister told me something that stuck with me.  She said that "everything is temporary."  In 100 years someone else will be living in your house, someone else will be working at your job and you will only be a memory. 

I started 2013 with one word for the new year and it was TRUST.  It was unbelievable how much I would need that word.  This year I decided on P words.  Those words are Pray, Persevere, Plan, Prioritize and most importantly find Peace.

PRAY-  I decided that I need more of a prayerful life to reach God.  Praying was more of a routine, a "now a lay me down to sleep" or "God is good, God is great" kind of prayer.  I needed to get more personal with prayer and to meditate more on what I was saying and to listen to what I was hearing.  In my nights of desperation instead of letting my thoughts of 2013 consume me; I started to continually say "Let Go and Let God."  This would be my mantra over and over until I fell asleep. 

PERSEVERE in the PRESENT-  If someone would have told me that I was going to endure what I did in 2013 I would have said "I cannot survive it."  But one thing is for sure, time goes on.  It goes on whether we are miserable or we are happy.  We make the choice.  It is not the events in our lives that make a difference, it is how we respond to those events.  I decided that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and find a way to persevere.  It is not easy and some days I just want to stay in bed.  However I have a son, a daughter, a husband, a mother, a sister, a brother, nieces, nephews and amazing friends that I want and need to find joy in.

PLAN-  A lot of my life is spontaneous, unplanned and unprepared.   I find if I start planning ahead I can get control of my life in ways that will make me happier.  By working towards finding joy I need to plan.  I need to plan clothing for the next day, lunch, dinner and the flow of the day.  This starts things out in a less stressful way and I am making strides in my planning.  I admit that I work under pressure a lot.  Sometimes with my job I cannot plan because I am always reacting.  However if I can find areas in my life that I can plan, the other parts of my life will not seem as difficult and overwhelming.

PRIORITIZE-  I am a yes person and a people pleaser.  I don't want to let people down and I think I can tackle any project or problem.  After the words YES come out of my mouth I start realizing that I should have thought about saying yes before saying it.  One thing I am remembering is that "when you say no to something you are saying yes to something more important."  In 2013 my job nor my commitments to my job were much of a priority.  I started realizing that unconditional love, kindness, friends and taking care of family is important.  I decided that I need to prioritize people in my life.  I have so many friends and family members that I want to spend more time with.  I want them to be my priority.  I have realized that Lucas has been relying mostly on his dad to get his needs met.  I am now prioritizing time with him.  We play together.  Play is important.  "If you are enjoying time wasted, it is not wasted time."

PEACE-  In order to have peace in my life I need to work on the other P words above.  I am working on finding peace and fighting my fears.  Fear is not of God and peace is something that God desires for us.  I am a worrier and a fearful person.  I do worst case situations in my head.  I am working on surrendering to fear.  If something happens, there is nothing I can do about it.  I can't try to continue controlling my loved ones lives because of my fears.  Through 2014 I am going to surrender my fears and let go of trying to control the uncontrollable. 

My challenge for you today is to think about what your five "new year" words would  be?  Somewhat of a mission statement for 2014.  I challenge you to write them down and work on them.  I challenge you to live in the present moment.

Present moment living is all we have.  This is where we can find joy.  I am going to work on this, will you?

Tradition and Memories Matter.....

Today I start my blog off with your challenge.  I challenge you to take every day as a gift and nothing more.  I challenge you to find the importance of tradition.  I will admit that I have approached the holiday season with blah and sadness.  I have felt dread, fear, loneliness and anger.  I saw others being festive and cheerful and I wanted to shake them and sleep through the holidays.   For someone who usually finds so much joy in the every day and in the holiday season, the excitement and joy just did not exist.

Loss and grief can do something to someone that I never thought possible.  You can lose your spirit, your will to better your life and you can lose the joy of life. 

On Thanksgiving Day evening after we had our dinner at my sister's house, we came back to mom and dad's house and I said, "What are we doing?  Dad would want this house to be alive.  He would want traditions to continue and he would want family together."  Our decision to close the house up the month of December turned in to more of, we have to carry on his tradition and make him proud. 

PROUD. 

One of the most important words that I wanted my dad to be of me from the time I was a little girl. 

Not long after that Thanksgiving evening a friend sent me a special saying that I couldn't forget.  The saying said:

"Christmas is a time of joy

But now without you Dad,

Memories surround us

And it's easy to be sad.

But knowing you'll be watching,

With a Father's gentle pride,

We'll celebrate the happiness

Those memories provide.

Your love is here to guide us

In everything we do,

I give thanks at Christmastime

In memory of you."

With this message from a friend and with talking to my brother and sister on my dad’s birthday we decided to continue our Christmas Eve celebration at mom and dad's for our family.  This year we counted at least 65 attendees.  Along with 16 kids and Santa!  We continued to make memories to make my daddy proud of a tradition he re-kindled.

Was it hard?  YES.  Do I think his spirit was with us? YES.  Am I glad that we made new memories and started new traditions? YES.

Finding joy in moments had meaning for me this year.  The pain was unbearable at times, but I smiled through my tears and remembered "my Santa/my daddy." I treasure those memories. 

I challenge you to continue traditions, start new ones and treasure every memory.  We are given a gift of being children, parents, siblings and friends.  Only for a brief time is this our role.  The only thing that stays the same is that everything changes. 

The Wisdom of Wayne.....

One of my favorite authors and inspirational people who I look up to is Dr. Wayne Dyer. Dr. Dyer has been sharing inspirational message and positive thoughts for many years. He is deeply inspiring and brings power to the idea of “life is a gift” and we must “stay in the present.” Lately a life learning lesson for me is that living in the present is the only place where I can find my joy.

Some of Dr. Wayne Dyer’s quotes that I love are as follows:

• Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.
• When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
• If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
• Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.
• It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there's nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized.
• Begin to see yourself as a soul with a body rather than a body with a soul.
• It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either.
• Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life.
• Conflict cannot survive without your participation.
• Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world.
• Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others.
• Our intention creates our reality.
• Deficiency motivation doesn't work. It will lead to a life-long pursuit of try to fix me. Learn to appreciate what you have and where and who you are.
• Everything you are against weakens you. Everything you are for empowers you.

Dr. Dyer focuses a lot about being true to you, and not about judging others. Sometimes we look at people through our own lens and think that we are RIGHT because that is what we know, What if we take a step back and put ourselves in someone else’s shoes? What if we drop our judgment and try to understand others? What if we care enough to hear someone’s story?

I challenge you today to think about something or someone that you find yourself judging. Take time to think about life through this/their lenses of life. Take this to the next level and if it is someone find out their story. As Dr. Dyer quotes “Real magic comes from an absence of judging others." Let's work on making the world a better place!