Love you more.....

Love you more............... three very simple words that mean so much to me.  These are words that my daddy said to me daily.  I would always say "I love you daddy" and he would say "love you more."  Early on we would just do the "love you more wars" and we would go back and forth.  I love you more... no I love you more..... etc.  I would usually let him win the battle because sometimes he would say but I loved you first.  I would then say okay you win.

My dad's last words, "love you more..... mom" as my mother describe in the early hours of March 23rd 2013.  What wonderful last words to leave your loved ones.  One thing is for sure, I had no doubts how much my dad loved and sacrificed for me.  Another thing I know for sure, I know that man knew I loved him with all my heart.  I would have gone to the ends of the earth for him.  Every kiss, every story, every I love you and every I love you more told that story.

So today I remember that special bond and those three simple words.  I got a tattoo on my left shoulder and it simply says "love you more."  My dad always wrinkled his forehead when I mentioned a tattoo.  He got a few when he was in the military and he would say "it will be there forever, think long and hard about it." 

These words were the last words he spoke, the last words spoken at his funeral and the words on his tombstone where his body rests.  What I know for sure is that his spirit continues.....  I know that this tattoo is forever.  When he takes my hand at the time I join him, he will be proud of that tattoo and what it represents. 

Also on my journey today, I picked up a stone that said "AWARENESS."  I am certain that as we become more aware of the things around us we can find those special moments/signs in places we least expect. 

Places like sunflowers growing through cement, quarters in unexpected places, dreams that wake us, songs on the radio and when we look to God.  We see beautiful clouds, nature and signs of spirit everywhere.

A wall sign that I saw today said "The best way to have a piece of heaven in your home, is to have someone you love in heaven." 

My challenge for you today is to practice awareness.  You will be amazed at what you find when you seek it out.  I will keep a hold of my piece of heaven forever and always.  Those three simple words will carry me through. LOVE YOU MORE.  (I win this time).

I hope. I believe. I know.

 I read an article about the differences in hoping, believing and knowing and it has resonated with me.  Because I have been thinking about this I thought it was worthy of a blog and challenge to readers. 

Life as I knew it changed 120 days ago.  With that change also came doubt.  My faith was shaken and I lacked understanding.  As my last blog indicated I was angry.  What I did do is continue to “hope.”  Hope that I would survive the pain that I endured and continue to endure today.   People say that you never “get over” a loss, but you learn to live with it.  I never knew what that meant.  What I know is that time marches on and we have no choice but to move with it.  The saying you have to go through it to get through it makes more sense to me. 

With that being said, several weeks ago God was leading me to read “The Shack” again.  I read it several years ago and I couldn’t even remember major details of the book.  However every time I walked by my book shelf God would be that small voice and say “pick it up.”  I fought it.  I can’t think of one book that I picked up to read a second time.  I often don’t finish books the first time.   I would walk by the shelf and be led to look that direction.  “The Shack” continued to glare at me.  Finally, I walked over and picked it up.  I figured that there must be something in that book that I needed to see again. 

I started reading…… then on page 92 I began to see exactly what I needed to see.    God was speaking to me through that book like he was speaking to Mack (the main character).  Page 92 said “I want to heal the wound that has grown inside of you and between us.”  Then it continued to say “When all you can see is your pain, perhaps then you lose sight of me.”  WOW!

I was losing sight of God. 

After I read that I starting thinking about the idea of hoping, believing and knowing.  Faith is knowing what we do not see.  Knowing comes with time.  Knowing comes with having experiences with God.  Knowing is stronger than believing and so much more than hoping.  Knowing requires that we TRUST. 

My challenge for you today is to examine where you are on the idea of hoping, believing, and knowing when it comes to your faith.  Sometimes we don’t see the whole picture, sometimes we have to take that step before we see the stair case.  Sometimes we just have to “know” that it is okay to lack understand as to why things happen. 

“God doesn’t always stop the storm, but if he doesn’t he will always calm HIS child.”   

 

One word..... TRUST.....

I started out the new year with the idea of taking one word and reflecting on that word for the year.  The word that was given to me..... TRUST.   Here I am half way through the year and that one word has never been more important.  As I listened to our pastor at Centerpoint Church today talk about trust, I started thinking about my own situation.

Ninety-two days ago my life changed forever.  The memory of the day is etched in my memory.  Every vivid detail of finding out my daddy was no longer in this world.  Suddenly he was taken and I didn't know suffering until March 23rd, 2013.  I didn't know how much I would need to trust.... and how so very difficult it would be.

After today's message I realized that I am not trusting God in this situation.  In fact I am angry.  How can there be something beautiful come from such sadness?  How can I trust God, when he took my dad from me?  How can I trust that I will find joy again?  Truthfully, I am not trusting right now.

From the message the take away was that "trust is a must."  That is a hard pill to swallow when I am not trusting.  My one word..... trust.   I am struggling to breathe at times, how can I trust? 

I begin to reflect and think, did God give me the word trust for a reason?  He knew I would be doubting and having a hard time understanding.... and quite honestly start questioning faith.  I search biblical passages, books, and readings trying to understand, what I don't understand.  I question, cry out and when someone asks me how I am, the best I can say is "I am ok." 

I know that without God I wouldn't be where I am now.  I have seen my mother emotionally strong.  She continues to amaze me.....  After losing her husband of 47 years unexpectedly she continues to carry on. 

Trusting this happened for a reason is hard.  Right now I just shake my head and say "I don 't get it."  But for now, I will just carry on and pray that I can find TRUST and peace.

Give generously and be a blessing.....

Giving generously was the theme of last week’s church service at Centerpoint.  In this series Pastor Chris has been talking about how we need to “Be the Church.”  After last week’s service I decided this topic was worthy of a blog.

The message revolved around the idea that giving generously means that we give selflessly, sincere and sacrificial.  At the close of the service, because of the selfless giving of Centerpoint goers the week before, the church did a “tithe give back” on the $3000 excess received over the budgeted amount.   All the tithe back envelopes contained anything from a $10 bill to a $50 bill.   The purpose of the “tithe give back” was to go be a blessing to others.

What church passes the tithing buckets back out so that you can take money?  CENTERPOINT!  This church never ceases to amaze me!  This is a perfect example that everyone on the leadership team practices what they preach.  Their mission of being   uniquely different and passionately real is seen in their actions.

I received an envelope with $10 and Jeff did also.  We ordered a $20 pizza for lunch and gave a $10 tip.  Our other generous giving opportunity came a few days later as I was driving down Allen Ave.  I saw two young people walking and felt led to give them the other $10.  I pulled up beside of them and said “Hi, I am giving out money today and handed them the money.”  The look on their face was one of confusion and happiness. 

As I continue to ponder the idea of generous giving I think of the idea of spontaneous giving and showing random acts of kindness.  Do we do this enough?  My challenge for you today is to think about generous giving and what that means to you.  Maybe it is not financial giving but generous giving in other ways.   Mother Teresa once said, “We shall never know all the good a simple smile can do.”  So simply smiling at others is really an act of “giving.”  Smile more, give more and make the world a better place!

Memories Matter.....

Today, I thought a lot about memories and how important it is that we continue to “make memories” with those that we love.  Some of my favorite memories are those that did not revolve around a holiday or around a special event, but during times that I didn’t think about the idea of “making memories.” 

My cousin shared a picture today and it took me right back to my childhood.  A simple hickory nut floods my mind with so many memories.   We used to pick them at my aunt and uncle’s house.  We used to swing over the road on a tire swing (we couldn’t do this now).  We used to pick blackberries, walk in the woods and make mud pies.

Many times now as an adult I am more aware of the time I spend with those that are important to me.  Over the past few years I have developed some great friendships, and I have a family that is very important to me.  I purposefully try to assure that I continue to make memories so that I have those nuggets of time that I can recall many years from now.  It is often our story to tell.

I remember being a little girl and playing games with my parents.  My mom would play ghost in the graveyard with me and my sister.  She would lie on the floor and we would walk around her saying “ghost in the graveyard.”  My mom would suddenly jump up and run after us!  Most of the time making memories in my household as a child didn’t require money.  We had lots of fun and laughter without it.  Another fond memory was my dad’s “fudge making.”  Yes, still to this day my dad could be sitting in the living room and he would just raise his hand.  This meant “who wants fudge!?”  My dad’s recipe was always the best (I still can’t make it like he does).    It is the process of spending time together sharing laughter, memories and fun.

I try to make fun and laughter part of my family now.  However sometimes I get caught up in the daily “need to do’s.”  Often times we play cards, have ice cream parties (we just had one of those on Friday night), and play many board games.  I also tell stories to my children about my memories as a child.  This is something that my parents have also shared with me, their stories.

There is so much value in spending time together with those people that you care about.  My challenge to you today is to put down the dust rags, let the laundry sit and start making memories with those that you love.  Tell your friend or child a story, play a board game, take a walk in the park, or as I did today window shop with your sister. You won’t regret it!    

Fairness in a "real" way.....

The definition of justice is the “fairness or reasonableness, especially in the way people are treated or decisions are made.” 

This time next week, I will be in day two of the Justice Conference in Philly.  The Centerpoint Outreach coordinator and I will be attending this amazing event.   For someone whose life work, talent and passion revolve around this idea, I am very excited about this opportunity.  I am going to absorb every message and gain as much knowledge as I can to bring back to my church family and community. 

Fairness means different things to different people.  We begin our young lives with a famous saying “that’s not fair!”  However do we ever think about what that actually means?  Many times that saying contributes to selfishness.  For example, if I don’t get my way with this situation, IT’S NOT FAIR. 

I have learned over the years that we take things for granted (I am learning this even more as I go through the Lent journey).  Some things really aren’t fair.  When something doesn’t go our way, when a child doesn’t get what he/she wants we overuse the word fair.  Really what is not fair in our world is when others go without clean drinking water, when children die of hunger, when people are discriminated against etc…… when we think of “fair” in this way it means something all-together different from our selfish meaning of fair.

When I attend the Justice Conference, I hope to leave completely exhausted and full of ideas to reach others who are not treated “fair.”  Fair in a “real” sense and not a selfish one.

We have a responsibility to help others who cannot help themselves.  We can make daily decisions that impact people’s lives.  One phone call, one personalized note, one hug.  These are things that can bring hope.

 Donating one year of clean water, sponsoring a child to go to school, feeding hungry children and/or volunteering  your time in local outreach efforts.  This my friends can change the world and provide fairness and justice to our world.  My challenge for you is to think about the things that you can do to bring true fairness to others.  How can you make a difference?  I challenge you to try!

 

 

Will your response be a bitter one or a better one?

Charles Swindoll stated that, “life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to what happens to us.” When I thought about this and meditated on this idea, I felt that it would be worthy of a blog post.  Things happen in our lives that are not always favorable.  We end up in situations that we didn’t think we would be in; then we have a choice to make.  Do we respond out of bitterness or do we respond and be better?

For someone who tries to keep a positive attitude a lot of the time, over the last 18 months I have had a difficult time in a situation in which my reaction was a bitter one.  This situation was very hurtful and it felt like a true loss in my life.  My knowledge was used and I was given responsibility that was going to lead in to bigger and better things.  Then decisions and favors were granted behind closed door conversations, resulting in a kick in the gut and tears in my eyes.  To a situation that I was so loyal, I was blindsided and betrayed. 

Fast forward to now and I can say that I have learned a lot and have gained a lot of insight.  I now have decided to be better instead of bitter and my response is just that.  I have also re-evaluated what is important in my life.  I have found a way to have balance and I believe that through tough times we find our strength and perseverance (even when it takes 18 months).

Think about that 90% and think about your response to others.  Zig Ziglar said that “some people find fault like there is a reward for it.”  Do you look for fault in life and in the 10%?  Is your responses kind?   Can you choose kindness over being right?  My challenge for you today is to think about the above questions and choose being kind over being right, be less interested in finding fault and think about how you can respond in kindness.  Instead of pointing out faults (bitter) look for the better.  In the end the freedom that our kind responses bring are always worth it.  Life is a journey and sometimes it takes us a while to learn these lessons.