Finding Solutions in Silence.....

While working on my new year, new words blog I touched on the idea of finding solutions in silence.  I was reaffirmed in this thought while watching Oprah's "Super Soul Sunday" this week when Dr. Eben Alexander  author of "Proof of Heaven" shared about his experiences of having a near death experience.  From the perspective of this Nero-surgeon, the evidence of Heaven is compelling.  Through his discussions on the show, he shared the idea that we don't have to have a near death experience to obtain closeness with God. He meditates several hours a day.  Through this practice he finds that he can connect to God more in depth.  I believe this is where we can find our spiritual guides, and a "peace that passes all understanding."

I started thinking about this idea and started focusing on the quote that I shared in my first post of 2016.  "Sometimes we find solutions in the silence."  My challenge for you today is to pray and/or meditation.  Find silence in everyday and listen for solutions.

Meditation does not have to be a perfect, ritualistic process.  Before I thought I could meditate properly I thought that I needed to "do it right."  However what I have found is there is not a "right" way to meditate.  Some people meditate for hours and others may close their eyes for a moment.  Some may not close their eyes at all.  Some may follow a particular program, a voice or feeling of light; others may only breathe.  Some people call prayer meditation.  It is all a personal preference.  You will find what works for you.  The most important thing is that you make the effort to do something.  Just begin.

There are so many tools on the internet as well.  I have a smart phone application that reminds me to "be still."  My goal is to practice my meditation process in the mornings.  I like to first read a devotional and then I just sit in silence.  Sometimes my devotional is an article.  Sometimes it is a book, sometimes a poem on the internet and sometimes the New Living Translation bible.  Often times I light a candle which helps me focus on.... nothing (yes nothing).  (Those of you who join me with an un-diagnosed form of Adult Attention Deficit understand).  This often helps clear my mind from the clutter of the day ahead.

 In my experience, this is where God speaks to me the most.  I may get a kindness movement, scripture reference, a confirmation of thought, a word, a direction for my life, an answered question.  I am confident that this small voice within my spirit is the voice of God.  This voice leads me.  Guides me.  Gives me purpose.  Gives me strength to face the day when life seems a little more difficult.

Some times this is not easy.  Sometimes that voice tells me things that are difficult to digest.  Sometimes that voice pushes me out of my comfort zone.  I know that being pushed out of our comfort zone is healthy and ultimately necessary.

The process of meditation (or prayer if that is what you call it), can give us great peace, unconditional love and answers.  Meditation and prayer doesn't change your circumstances always; it changes how you look at those circumstances.

Finding solutions in silence is a gift.  For me a gift through prayer and meditation.  Sometimes I focus on a person that is strong in my spirit.  Sometimes I just see what comes into my conscience.  We grow in silence.  We continue a journey through silence and we find solutions there also.  So as I previously challenged, take time to meditate and/or pray.  Maybe you will find all the answers you are seeking.

"Be still and know that I am God"

My five words for 2016.....

In 2013 I went with one word.  I asked God to give me a word that I would reflect on throughout the year.  The word in 2013 that I was given was TRUST.  Oh how that word was so necessary.  TRUST, the one word that I would need to get me through a great loss.  When my dad passed away in March of 2013, I doubted, I questioned, and in the end,  I trusted.  I trusted that I didn’t have all the answers and I trusted that God works in ways I don’t understand.  I learned that we live in the moment, we keep on keeping on and we TRUST.

In 2014 and 2015 I came up with five words each year and this year is the same.  My words this year are “L” words.  The year prior “R” and the year before that “P.”  I pondered and searched for the right combination of words that I would focus on.  In the two years prior I kept these little words tucked in my mind, etched on a notebook and displayed on my office cork board.  This year will be no exception.

So I present my 2016 words to live by.  I am going to blog more on these words as the year progresses and these words become more relevant and their purpose for 2016 continues to be revealed.

LISTEN, LETTING GO, LEARN, LAUNCH and LIGHT.

LISTEN-

I always thought that listening required another person speaking.  I never thought about the idea of listening to silence.  I am listening to silence now.  In the stillness of life I am challenged to be “held” and to listen.  Sometimes our greatest answers come through silence.  We may have to surrender to silence to find a solution (I think that last sentence will be a blog topic and a quote by me!).  However I also think I need to listen to others.  Accept different perceptions by listening.  I pray that I will get the chance to be the listening ear that another may need.  Do you stop and listen?  At any given time when we stop, close our eyes and listen we can hear so many things.  What we choose to hear is the key.  LISTEN.  Listen without trying to get your own words in.  Listen without expectation.  Listen to your heart and most importantly, listen to the silence and what silence can teach.

LETTING GO-  

The year of 2015 has been somewhat of a trial in my role as a parent.  I am a parent of an adult.  A parent who wishes to be a part of her child’s life but is shut out from the world in which she exists.  A parent who wants nothing more than to be needed.   A parent who has to figure out how to find herself in a life where her child has disconnected from her.   A parent who struggles with lack of contact, no conversation and a child who needs time to figure out who she is.  This parent has to let go in 2016.  I need to let go of the idea that I did something wrong.  I need to let go of the idea that relationship and family means different things to different people.   I need to let go of the idea of what my dad always said was truth “family will always be there.”  I need to let go of the let down, the disappointment and the hurt this situation has caused.  I need to let go of this parental role and look at this relationship differently.

LEARN-

For me, life is about being a knowledge seeker.  When we stop learning, we stop growing.  In 2016 I want to learn new things.  I want to learn something out of my comfort zone.  I want to take dance lessons.  I want to gain insight and understanding.  I want to learn how to let go and how to listen more effectively.  I want new skills, new perspectives and new ways of thinking.  

LAUNCH-

In 2015 I was able to start fully engaging my dream of facilitating and training on a more consistent basis.  This is an opportunity that I have been seeking for many years.  I have spent countless hours talking to trainers and critically evaluating what I like and don’t like about trainings.  I have been working on figuring out how to get a foot in the door, how to network and how to make money doing what I love, educating adults.  In 2016 I plan to engage even more and obtain training opportunities out-of-state.  I plan to not only continue pursuing this dream but also LAUNCHING my business of being a self-employed training contractor.  I plan to LAUNCH my new book “Comfort in Quarters.”  With continued forward movement and doing something every 24 hours to maintain this goal, 2016 will be the year of my dream LAUNCH.

LIGHT-

I want to be LIGHT in the world.  Where many people watch the news and see despair, I choose to see LIGHT and to be LIGHT.  We reflect what we put out into the universe.  If we see despair, we will feel despair.  If we see light, we will be light.  I want to focus on what I see going right in the world.  I want to seek out the good.  I want to share random acts of kindness.  I want to show others what it is like to be the hands and feet of Jesus.  I want to spread LIGHT where I go.  

With my five words of 2016, I hope to embrace life and find peace.  I want to give grace and receive it.  My hope is that I leave a mark on 2016.   I challenge you to explore words to focus on in 2016.  What are your dreams?  What do you aspire to provide, be, embrace or embark on?  Share with me.  Here is to 2016.  Happiness is a choice.  Choose it!

New Year New WORDS.....

Last year I put out a challenge to readers to embrace the idea of having five words to focus on.  These five words were to take the place of writing down resolutions that we likely will not successfully fulfill.  One of the most important things for me this year is to make sure I am always living in the moment.  Along with that I started thinking about what my five words would be and how they would revolve around the idea of "living in the moment."  So with that let me share my words with you.

1.  RENEW

2.  RESISTANCE

3.  RELAX

4.  REVERENCE

5.  RECOGNITION

The first three words came to me rather quickly at the beginning of 2015.  The other two not so quickly.  In fact those words jumped off the pages to me today.   I picked up the book "There's a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem" by Wayne Dyer at the library on Wednesday.  The word REVERENCE jumped out immediately.  I thought it was interesting that over 10 days prior, I had three "R" words picked out.  I was just waiting for the other two.  God works in amazing ways and gave me reverence and recognition.

This year is going to be a year to RENEW.  I am going to work on renewing my mind, body and spirit.  Starting the year with a new job bring about a sense of renewal.  I have also made efforts to RENEW my body.  I have lost 15 lbs since July.  I am getting the T-25 exercise program and my husband committed to do it with me!  It said on the infomercial that I would have a beach body in 10 weeks lol.  I am not looking much for the beach body but I need a renewed mind, body and spirit.  Also during my last few months at JFS I was completely broken.  This year with a new job and new self-employment opportunities and a renewed sense of purpose, RENEW is a perfect word for 2015.

In 2015 I am going to work on RESISTANCE.  I will focus on myself and know that God gave me this body to care for while I am in it.  I will resist temptation.  I am also stronger in 2015.  In so many ways I am stronger mentally, physically and spiritually.  My efforts to resist will pay off.  Along with this I will work on controlling my immediate gratification through resistance.  RESISTANCE is defined as " the act or power of resisting, opposing, or withstanding." My efforts to resist and withstand will be in my everyday thoughts in 2015.

Because I am always someone who can't say no (which I am working on).  I am going to take opportunities in 2015 to RELAX.   I am going to have days in which I do nothing.  I always think I need to fill every minute of every day with something.  However the act of doing nothing can be so healing.  I am going to stop doing things that I feel pressured to do.  I am gong to breathe.  I am going to RELAX and that my friends is okay.  

REVERENCE is defined in the book “There is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem” as "Communing quietly with God."  In the encyclopedia reverence is defined as a humbling of the self in respectful recognition of something perceived to be greater than the self.   Communing with God will be an important part of 2015.  Communing quietly is about having silence to reflect on and about listening to God speak.  

My last word is RECOGNITION.  I am challenged to recognize and enjoy the small things.  I am challenged to recognize that I alone make the choice to be happy.  It is not about my circumstances.  It is about my attitude around those circumstances. We need to stop and recognize and appreciate the simple idea that we have heat in our home on days when it is zero outside.  I have a Geranium that is budding on January 17th….  that is RECOGNITION.  It is possible to see beauty all around us.  We just need to take the time to recognize such beauty.  

My challenge for you is to think about five words that you can focus on in 2015.  

Just to recap mine…  I am challenged and encouraged to take time to RELAX and find inner peace.  I will have RECOGNITION of the beauty all around me.  I will RENEW my mind, body and spirit.  I will RESIST temptation and show REVERENCE by listening to the higher power.  

Let YOUR five words guide your path.  Remember it is your path alone.  Take it to where it may lead and find the joy in the journey.  

Lessons Learned in 2014.....

As we were driving home from Chicago I starting thinking about 2015 and also what I have learned from 2014.  I was listening to the song “If today was your last day” by Nickelback and I started thinking about regrets, hopes, progress and success in 2014.  Success is defined differently in my eyes right now.  I am starting the new year with a new job opportunity.  That being said, I am making that change because I want to be true to myself.  I want to work for an organization that I believe in and I want to be able to make a difference in the lives of others.

With this blog post I want to share some of the things that I have learned in 2014.  Sometimes we grow through struggle.  The growth is so important however the struggle is less than desirable.  I am a work in progress as I go  through life dealing with disappointment, unfairness and grief.  In the end, I am STRONGER for it.

After 16 years working for an organization that I helped build up, I am saying goodbye.  The mission has changed.  The direction is not the way I believe we should be going and the goals are different. With that and other things in 2014 comes life lessons and many things learned.  

Some things I have learned in 2014.

1. New opportunities create new excitement and a renewed spirit.
2. Kindness is not something we should randomly do, it needs to be a lifestyle.
3. Our health is not promised regardless of how we take care of ourselves.  
4. Perception is just that and there is more than one side to a story.  Be willing to listen to it.
5. Know who your “people” are.  Be willing to agree to disagree.
6. Judge not.
7. Grief is a process.  Each day can be better than the day before if we allow it.
8. There is freedom in being transparent.
9. Less is more.
10. Your parent can be one of your best friends.
11. Making memories is all that we have.  Make memories daily.  
12. Enjoy the simple things.  A sunrise, a cloud, a sleeping child, the warmth of your spouse at your side.
13. Smile at strangers and make eye contact with those who are broken (that means everyone).
14. When one person says you are average and 50 think you are great, don’t focus on that one person or obsess over why they would think you were “just” average.
15. Be better instead of bitter.  Holding on to hurt only hurts yourself.  Let it go.
16. We can’t worry about what we can’t control.
17. We can’t control the actions of our adult children but must love them unconditionally.

  17.  Live in the moment.  That is all we have.

  18.  Political agendas and favoritism is always going to overrule hard work and dedication.

I could go on but these are the ones that jumped to my conscience.  So for this blog, I challenge you to think about some things that you have learned in 2014.  Go ahead and get started.  Life is a journey and there is joy in that journey even through our tears.  Here is to new beginnings and new opportunities!  I am going to embrace them how about you?

If today was your last day lyrics

My best friend gave me the best advice

He said each day's a gift and not a given right

Leave no stone un-turned, leave your fears behind

And try to take the path less traveled by

That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last

Leave old pictures in the past?

Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?

What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life

What's worth the price is always worth the fight

Every second counts 'cause there's no second try

So live like you're never living twice

Don't take the free ride in your own life

What if, what if, if today was your last day and tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?

Leave old pictures in the past?

Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?

Reminisce old memories?

Would you forgive your enemies?

And would you find that one you're dreaming of?

Swear up and down to God above

That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

If today was your last day

Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?

You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars

Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes

'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life

Let nothing stand in your way

'Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?

Leave old pictures in the past?

Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?

Reminisce old memories?

Would you forgive your enemies?

And would you find that one you're dreaming of

Swear up and down to God above

That you'd finally fall in love

If today was your last day?

Suspend Judgement.....

As a wise person told me, there are three sides to every story "yours, mine and the truth."  When we see only one side of the story we only see our perception of the truth.  One thing I often teach, is that we need to be willing to suspend our judgement to listen to the other side of the story.

We base "our truth" on the experiences that we have or by the information that we hear from the other side of the story.

Recently there has been controversy over the Furgeson case.  Everyone has an opinion about this and most likely our opinion is based on what our experiences are.  If you relate more to the young man that was shot, that is based on your experiences.  If you relate more with the cop, that is based on your experiences as well.

This blog is about suspending judgement until we get both sides of the story.  My challenge to you is that before jumping to conclusions about a situation, consider what we just may not know.

A quote that I once heard is that "we don't know what we don't know."  The question is are we willing to find out?  Can we listen without taking things personally?  Can we listen without letting our views and experiences cloud our ability to suspend judgement.

We all have reasons as to why we do what we do, even if others do not understand why.  We may be willing to share, but is the other person willing to listen?

We live in a world with differences of opinions, differences in thought and differences in expectations.  That is what makes us beautiful.  Our differences make us beautiful.  However these differences can divide us.

We have a tendency to take things personally (we are human).  What if we lived in a world where we could truly "agree to disagree?"  Many times we say that we can agree to disagree, however do we truly believe it?  Our strong personal feelings and expectations of others can create a clouded view.  Our glasses can be so fogged up with our own perceptions that we are unwilling to even consider anything else.

When we can suspend judgement and listen to the other side of the story, that is where we can find peace and where we can love each other as we were called to do.

This is not to say that we abandon our beliefs or experiences.  No matter what we will have those beliefs and experiences.  I have a dear friend that shares different views on a few different topics.  I respect her thoughts and opinions.  We don't get emotionally charged about our differences.  Instead we focus on what we have in common.  What we have in common is so much more important than what we differ on.

Focus on your likeness with others instead of your differences.  I am challenging you to think about this during the week.  

Finding our Passion for People.....

As I sit and think about life on the shore of Virginia Beach, I am reminded of God's miracles.  One miracle I think we often forget about is the miracle of people.  It is amazing to experience differences in human beings.  We have a responsibility to love and embrace others. We were all created in the image of God and He made us different.  That is something we need to celebrate instead of condemn.

This week I have noticed things that sadden me about how we treat each other.  Regardless of religion, sexual orientation, gender, background, culture, political affiliation, economic status or any other "difference" we have a responsibility to LOVE others. 

We are all created equal and created in the image of God.  So why do we find ourselves judging others?  We judge what we don't understand.  Instead of judging, let's think about understanding (I like it, a quote by me)!

Wise words from a book that helped inspire this post states "Different people remember things differently, and no two people will remember it the same, whether they were there or not."  This quote is from a book called Ocean at the End of the Lane.  (Thanks Betsy for the inspiration).  Our perception of the reality and our life experiences are what we know to be true.

Why do we fail to find passion for people?  We are called to love.  Why do we often love with conditions?  I will love you unless you are (fill in the blank here).  We want to "fix" or "right" people.  "Righting" someone means that we think people need fixed when they are not like we are.  That my friends is not our job.  We throw stones while we live in a glass house ourselves.  We criticize people for not being like we are.  Our YOUniqueness is what makes us beautiful.

It doesn't have to be "you are wrong and I am right."  Let's make it, "help me understand your view while I continue to love you without judging."

We have all had different life experiences and those experience shape us in the person that we are and become.  A different journey leads to a different life.  It may not be your life, but it is a worthy life and a life worth understanding (another cool quote by me)!

While meditating on the beach this week I heard God speak to me and say "don't pass them by."  I knew exactly what that meant.  The day before my morning meditation I saw two homeless men on the boardwalk.  I was with my family walking to dinner and I walked on by.  The next day while walking I saw one of the men.  I told my husband, "I can't just walk by, I will explain later."  He continued to walk up the board walk to the park with our son as I sat down beside who I know now as Peter.  Peter and I talked about the beach, family, vacations and life as a homeless man in Virginia Beach.  Peter has been at the beach for a month but has been homeless for 2 1/2 years.  He used to have money and a family.  He sat on the park bench with me and we shared commonalities.  We talked about the weather, resources for people who need food, other homeless individuals.  Peter was smart and he was a thinker.  He asked me questions about life, where I was from (he lived in Columbus for awhile) and I asked him questions also.  After about 30 minutes I told him I was very glad to have met him and I hoped he had a good day.  I handed him some money and he immediately said "you don't have to do that, but God Bless You."  Later that afternoon, Jeff, Lucas and I were walking back from dinner and Peter was laying down on the bench with his radio on and his hat tucked over his head.  His beard and hair hid most of his face and I thought he was sleeping.  When he saw me he lifted his hand to wave and he smiled. 

We need connections with people.  Talking to Peter was good for him but it was good for me. I learned his story and he learned mine.  As I sat for that 30 minutes people walked by and never even looked in his direction.  His little sign that said "need help, God Bless You" wasn't even met with an eye.  

What are we afraid of?  Why won't we connect with others and listen to their story?  My challenge for you today is to find a stranger to talk to.  Make casual conversation and smile.  It doesn't take much.  It takes just a little effort to find passion for people.  Compassion and passion are action.  Ask yourself, does your acts of compassion align yourself to the example of God's love?  Go ahead and do it.  Sure it can be messy, difficult and inconvenient but in the end we are called to LOVE without conditions.

Don't Wait.....

There is a popular song from Tim McGraw "Live like you were dying." When this song came out a few years back I liked the beat but I didn't listen much to the lyrics. Now this song has led me to a blog topic.

We take so many things for granted.  One thing that we should never take for granted is the people in our lives that mean so much, and the pleasures of life that we have grown so used to expecting.  I read an article that really opened my eyes to this.  It opened my eyes to the idea that less is more.   Spending time with those we love and doing the things we love should not be put on hold until the perfect time.  Because the reality is there is never a perfect time.  The time is now.   We don't need to wait for the perfect circumstance, the perfect opportunity or the perfect time.  DON'T WAIT. 

After reading the article and spending the day at a family reunion, this blog topic become something I needed to get on paper.  Don't wait to tell a person you love them.   Don't wait to share how much they mean to you.  Don't wait to travel.  If you wait until you retire, you may not feel like traveling or you may not be here at all.  Don't wait to start a project you have been wanting to work on.  Don't wait to make life changes that are risky.  Don't wait to play with your children after all the chores are done (because they are never done).  Don't wait to leave a job when you dread going everyday.  Don't wait to make things right with your family and God. 

I knew without a doubt before my dad left this earthly world that he knew how much I loved him.  I have no regrets about my relationship with him.  That is one thing that brings me peace.  When someone passes suddenly we don't get to make amends.  "DON'T WAIT."  Make amends and enjoy life now.

My challenge for you is to think about the song and the lyrics below "Live like you were dying." Do you have something that you need to say to someone?  Do you have a passion for something and you are waiting for the "right" time to do it?  Once you start looking at the most important things in your life, you realize it is not things.  We don't want to look back and wish we would have said something or done something different.  Take the risk and don't wait. 

I was in my early forties

With a lot of life before me

When a moment came that stopped me on a dime

I spent most of the next days, looking at the x-rays

Talking bout the options and talking bout sweet time

I asked him when it sank in

That this might really be the real end

How's it hit 'cha when you get that kind of news?

Man, what'd ya do?

And he said

I went skydiving

I went rocky mountain climbing

I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu

And I loved deeper

And I spoke sweeter

And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'

And he said, Someday I hope you get the chance

To live like you were dyin'

He said, I was finally the husband

That most the time I wasn't

And I became a friend, a friend would like to have

And all of a sudden goin' fishin'

Wasn't such an imposition

And I went three times that year I lost my dad

Well I, I finally read the good book

And I took a good long hard look

At what I'd do if I could do it all again

And then

I went skydiving

I went rocky mountain climbing

I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu

And I loved deeper

And I spoke sweeter

And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'

And he said, Someday I hope you get the chance

To live like you were dyin'

Like tomorrow was a gift

And ya got eternity to think about what to do with it

What did you do with it?

What did I do with it?

What would I do with it?

Skydiving

I went rocky mountain climbing

I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu

And I loved deeper

And I spoke sweeter

And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'

And he said, Someday I hope you get the chance

To live like you were dyin'